Terrible Facebook Ads

Wait, do dieticians get to have huge hamburger couches for their clients to sit on and tell them about their woes?

BRB, gotta go apply to grad school. Thanks Facebook!

You know what, GO FUCK YOURSELF FACEBOOK. You can not wear baby marmosets like brass knuckles in New York City. There is no place to do that. You don’t think I’ve tried?!? You don’t think I google that shit on the reg. Lies. It’s all lies.

Why the heck would I ever want to play Sims and spend time making imaginary computer people make out when I could be spending that valuable time…. OH Sha Naynay played this?! The Sha Naynay? Count me in Facebook. Sha Naynay is the watermark in which I judge a good time. That bitch is crazy. I’ve seen her eat her own keys rather than hand them over to a DD cause she was too drunk to drive. Thanks for changing my mind, Facebook. 

I’m not exactly sure how this is supposed to sell spectacles. But if this is lil guy is the optometrist at Coastal Contacts, I will definitely pay big bucks to see that spectacle.

Yeah, Facebook, can’t say I want to be alone in a room with the love child of Mimi from the Drew Carey show and Mama Fratelli of Goonies fame. But thanks for the suggestion though. I’m off to get a drink!

This one come’s from Kristen Kato, just in time for Father’s day:

“Hey Dad, I got you this Father’s Day present, it’s a quote about how much I love you and what an awesome dad you are and what a great family we have and…wha? What do you mean you’re getting a divorce? But I just got you this awesome quote!”

Via Alessia

I mean, when I think of a night out on the town with my ladies I always think “romance” and “fantasy”!  I also like to dress up like a weird pin up girl with a see-through blouse as I get ready to bust a move to some old Timberlake tunes.:

It appears that Facebook quiz pics are also getting in on the sweet, making absolutely no sense action. I don’t know what’s more disturbing:

A) The fact that someone i actually know would post this on my page.

B) The fact that FB thinks the subject would rile someone up to the point of having the equivalent of, what I can only presume is, a fight in the parking lot of a Nickelback concert.

Facebook, when I see this picture, I do not think ‘Yes! I would love to learn the modern technology of ultra-sound so I can be the person telling parents their little angel is safe and sound. And a girl!’. Nope, I took one look and thought it was some slutty girl textin her friend ‘Remind me to never fall asleep topless in a nursery while covered in superglue again. Ugh. Mondays, amifuckinright? See you in 4th period!”

Miriam (aka: lspoon) sends this ad our way saying “As a currently pregnant lady, I hope to God that later on in pregnancy I don’t have the equivalent of a 4 month old in my belly.It’s fingers are clearly trying to make a break for it from the belly button and I’m almost 100% certain that’s not how babies are born.”

Gerald, fuck off. I think our little Rodney here has a good shot in winning the “Preemie that looks like he’s being busted up by the Cops” category. And you ain’t getting one dollar of the prize money. That’ll teach you for trying to hide a pregnant lady’s carton of Kools.

*Courtesy of Anne O’Reilly!